I am sitting here in my kitchen waiting for someone to come fix our broken oven...for the fifth time. After a long week, I spent all day Saturday working on law review, saw a late night movie, then spent most of the day yesterday cleaning and keeping myself busy with errands and therapy shopping. Now, sitting in my kitchen, all alone, I am forced to do what I do best (but try so often to avoid by staying busy): process. Admittedly, life has been better. Due to prior plans "falling through," I found out this past weekend that I will be spending my first thanksgiving alone. Between now and December 3rd, I have three thirty page papers due, an article of organization (a quasi-contract), and homework and preparation for class. This does not include the finals to prepare for on top of everything. To be honest, I am overwhelmed and slightly unmotivated. Hence, I am a mix of emotions, homesick for a familiar face and those back home that I dearly love, and desparately longing for this semester to be over. There are days when I want someone to take me away from this...and today just happens to be one of those days. So, what do I do? I process. What I have discovered in midst of processing (aka: pouting and feeling sorry for myself that I am at this place...once again) is that while life has been better, it has definitely been worse...
Kingdom Come by Elevation Worship is a song that we sing often at the church I attend here in Lynchburg. As I stood in church yesterday listening to the song, I was convicted and inspired. At one point in the song, the lyrics state "take heart, for He has overcome the world." This got me thinking about what it means to "take heart." It goes on to say, "raise your hopeful voices, make a joyful noise, and sing unto the King of Glory." It is here where it clicked. Take heart means: have hope and raise those hopeful voices to the Lord in prayer, make a joyful noise, despite the pain (enter James 1), and then sing unto the King of Glory. After all, He did overcome the world, and He will and can overcome your problems.
Other lyrics in the song say: "We'll show the world how you love...Take our heart and make it yours." I once heard a pastor say that the best way that Christians can display the love of Christ and what can distinguishes Christians from non-Christians to the rest of the world is how Christians handle suffering. When we suffer well, we display the love, glory, and beauty of Christ. Suffering is also how Christ "takes our hearts and makes it His." I have found that the times when I am in the valley are the times where I have fully submitted my will to Christ in order that His will would be fulfilled, not mine, and that my heart would be fully His.
One of my professors, Professor T, (you try to pronounce Tchidivijan and you would called him Professor T as well-he also happens to be one of Billy Graham's grandsons-I digress) led a devotional today before class. I am realizing that I love me some Spourgin. I admire Professor T because his devotionals are always timely. In this morning's devo Professor T said just because you give your all to Christ does not mean that you will spend eternity with Him. Professor T then went on to ask what our motive in giving our all to Christ is: Is your motive to give to get from God or give merely because He is God? This got me thinking...and got me convicted. I think so often I say that I am giving my all to Christ so that He will make my heart His. In reality, I am giving my all to Christ so that He will eventually give me what I think will make me happy: if I don't submit, He won't deliver. This is not an act of worship, but an act of selfishness. Wow, Spourgin and Professor T have done it again: been used as vessels of Christ to convict me to the core. Way to go...
So, as I sit here in my kitchen all alone, I am hopeful; I am joyful; I am prayerful. As I talked to one of my roommates yesterday about all that is going in life right now, she asked: "Have you asked God what He wants to teach you through this?" Man, I love those pointed questions that get right to the heart of the issue. My silence was an answer in and of itself. Just as Karlee charged me to think about the motives of my heart, I charge you today do the same. 1. Have you asked God why He is allowing you to go through struggles? 2. Are you hopeful and joyful despite those struggles because God is the King of Glory and knows what He is doing with your life? 3. Have you given your all to God? And if so, what is the motive: to get something in return or for the mere fact that God is God. These are just a few convicting thoughts rolling through this little mind of mine. I hope and pray that this blog finds you doing well and that it draws you closer to your Heavenly Father...
Until next time...listen to Kingdom Come by Elevation Worship...you will be richly blessed...
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