Where I Come From

There is something called Blogtember (aka: Blog every day in September). It happened in May too and I did not partake, mostly because I was afraid to write something everyday-my blog entries usually take quite a bit of time with all the editing, writing, re-writing, and getting those creative juices flowing at just the right time with just the right topic. However, this time, I think I am up for the challenge. I need to expand my horizons and get my creative juices flowing again. So, while I may not blog everyday, I am going to try to be more consistent. So here it goes....

Day 1: Where I Come From

I come from small town Granbury, TX. It is a little lake town southwest of Fort Worth. Fort Worth was the big city to us Granburyites. It is a beautiful little town where the biggest things that happened while I was there was: Wal-Mart came to town, the one-screen theater upgraded to a six-screen theater, and the yearly 4th of July parade and fireworks show was always a hit. Other than that, not much was going on. It was there that I learned how to drive. Experienced the death of a close friend for the first time at a young age. Learned who I wanted to be and who I didn't want to be. Fell in love with reading and writing and leadership. When I was living it, I was ready to shake that small town and move on to bigger and better things. Bigger towns. I was going to make something of myself. And I (sorta) have. However, with a college degree, a law degree, and a career later, I find myself longing for that place and for the people in it. I lived in that small town for 20 years, until the time I went off to college to "find myself." What I didn't realize is that I was already found. The experience of living in the same place seeing the same people and same places left an impression of familiarity upon me I have grown to appreciate. The smallness of where I came from let me be who I really am, with few inhibitions. It was my first real sense of community, people knowing me from the ground up, inside out, all my life, and still loving me. And I want that for my kids. The people there loved me as if I were their own, they were my biggest fans, and we were a family. It was there that I fell in love for the first time for a long time, the kind of love that takes years to recover from. But it taught me about love, how to love and I am better because of it. Yes, where I come from shaped me into the person that I am today. And for that, Granbury and the people inside that little town, will always hold a special place in my heart. 

I also come from a long line of big families full of traditions. Traditions of family vacations and LRC and Chinese Christmas and being together and breaking bread together. I come from a line of families that pray together and stay together. My grandparents on both sides of my family have been married for over fifty years and have set the path of Godly examples of both marriage and the Christian faith. I feel blessed to have grown up with such close relationships with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We have so much fun together and we make memories together and I like memories. I look forward to more. I come from a line of laughter and joy and that is good for the soul.

I also come from a family of five. A preacher father and a hard-working mother (who makes the best cookies in the universe), who also set a Godly example of a marriage going on 32 years. The oldest of three girls. Three sisters who also married Godly men who love and cherish them and now we are a family of 8. You can imagine three new men added to the bunch in two years has been quite a shock to the system, but also a fun adventure. Trips to the beach are no longer sitting by the sidelines reading a book-we gotta get up and move for these active men! Yes, I come from the best family a girl could ever ask for. We are not perfect, but we do our best to love and cherish each other, support each other even when we may disagree, and see past our differences to make it one of the happiest places on earth. Yes, I love seeing my family and spending time with them. It is refreshing and I am grateful to come from such a great line of loving, selfless, funny, caring, compassionate, hard-working, and humble family.

Most recently, I come from a family of two. I moved to the East coast, met a man in torts class, fell in love in study group, and said "I do" two years later. He is my Mr. Darcy and I am his Elizabeth Bennett. We just celebrated two years of marriage and moved to Fort Worth, TX. There are days when we feel far from "happily ever after." It is sometimes a daily struggle to constantly look yourself in the mirror-seeing a reflection of what you do not want to be in the other person's eyes; but it is also a beautiful time of growth, deepening our love, and fixing our eyes on the Author and Perfecter of our Faith. We know we are far from perfect, but we try to love and cherish each other, support each other even when we may disagree, and see past our differences to make it one of the happiest places on earth. I am so glad to be married to my Mr. Darcy and there is no other place on the face of the planet I would rather be than walking life with him. 

So there ya have it. Small town girl, from a family of five, married to Mr. Darcy. Each place and person has shaped me into who I am today, and for that, I am eternally grateful. 

Until next time be blessed.......

Life in a Box...

A month ago today, we loaded up the U-haul and headed out of town...again. This time it was only three hours north instead of twenty-four, but it was not much easier to say the least. This past year Scott and I have moved four times. While I have gotten the packing and unpacking down to a science, it does not make the actual move any less difficult.

The unfamiliar is something I am not always good with. Yes, I enjoy adventure. I enjoy traveling-seeing new places and meeting new people. However, I always enjoy it when I can come back home and stay for a while. However, the past year, I have found myself going more than staying. I suppose God knows what He is doing, but it would be nice to buy a house, settle down in one location, and then do some traveling.

You see-I have felt as if I have lived out of a box the past 8 years of my life. I packed up my car and moved into a dorm at Baylor University. Then I packed and moved to Virginia for law school. Then I packed up and moved back to Texas, this time with a husband. And now, we packed up and headed north on I-35 to a little town I like to call Fort Worth.

There is a pattern in moving-each time. You go through your stuff, pack it in boxes and put it on a U-haul trailer. (In my experience, the U-haul gets bigger every time despite how much stuff I throw away.) The pattern continues: once the U-haul is packed, you say your goodbyes, cry your tears, and set out on your adventure. Then there are the relationships you have to leave behind. For me, it is never easy to leave my family behind, no matter how far or short the distance.......

Growing up in a very tight knit family, you can imagine my dismay when I went to college-I was excited for the new adventure, but nervous and sad about leaving my mom, dad, and sisters behind. So, my senior year of high school, I began to pray for a few girlfriends to help make that transition better. What I got was was three...or six fold. When I graduated from Baylor, I had to leave my posse. These girls were my Waco family for four years-we did everything together during our time at Baylor, including living in a house together. When we graduated, we all had a period of grieving when we did not see each other all day, everyday.

When I arrived in Virginia, I was surprised to find such great friends in such a short amount of time. It took less than 6 weeks for me to feel like my friends were not just friends, but family. While they did not replace my friends and family back in Texas, they showed me what true community is. They are all beautiful souls, whom we loved seeing every day, enjoyed breaking bread together, and life of a law student with. So, you can imagine again, when the move from Virginia to Texas happened, there was excitement, but also a sense of sadness of leaving what we like to call our "law school family" behind. However, God was faithful. When we arrived in the Austin area, we started going to First Baptist Church Georgetown. About the time we started attending FBCGT, the young married class started growing. It went from 4 couples to about 16 couples in a span of about 6 months. While these people did not replace our law school family, this new group brought the community we had been longing for-true community, deep community, life-giving community. It took a little longer to feel at home in Georgetown than it did in Virginia, but once we felt at home-we felt at home. So, you can imagine my dismay when Scott came to me a few months ago and said that there was a chance we would have to move to Fort Worth for his job. Leave family again? Leave community that gives life again? Pack up this house and all our stuff again? Start the pattern of moving and re-adjusting again? And I don't even want to think about the process of finding a new church and new community....

But pack up we did. Last month, we packed up, left our relationships behind, and moved to Fort Worth, Texas for my husband to accept a new job-same boss, new duties. I am proud of my husband. He is good at what he does, and I am excited to see where God takes him (and us). But I am beginning to think that this moving around is something that God is using to mold me, to shape our marriage, and perhaps, to teach me something. Perhaps he is teaching me to be all in where you are at and not to be looking for the next move or the next best thing. I tend to live a life where the grass is always greener. Then once I get to the "greener grass," I realize how good I had it back on the other side. So, perhaps this is a lesson in contentment. Perhaps it is a lesson that "home is where the heart is." Scott told me that we both need to start saying wherever we are is home-wherever we are, that is our home. We are now a family. Perhaps God is getting us used to a life of moving a lot and it is a lesson on how to move. Or perhaps we are enduring this time of apartment-hopping so that when (if) we actually buy a house and settle down, we are more grateful for our place to call home. Whatever the lesson, I have decided to sit back and enjoy the ride. The ride is not easy and some days, moving a lot can create a lonely ride with few friends. But with each other and the world at our fingertips, I think we are going to be okay.

So, the patterns of living life in a box continues. Maybe one day it will get easier, but for now, I guess I will sit back and enjoy the ride. And unpack a few boxes and try to get as settled as possible while I am at it. Hello Fort Worth, TX. Maybe this time we will stay a while...

Until next time be blessed.....

Musings from a Neo-Recluse

The past months have been a bit daunting for me, to say the least. I got back late last night from another trip for work. I love my job: I work from home and get to travel occassionally. Each time I pack my suitcase, board a plane, and head to my work destination, I get a bit nervous for some reason. The fact that flying is no easy task these days-the airports are busy, security is intense, furloughs are thriving, and the passengers and airline employees seem to have all gotten crankier. What happened to free peanuts and pretzels by the way? I think bringing those back would add a little more joy to the flying process. I also think the nature of my work has some to do with the nervousness-I work in a job that deals with some pretty heavy topics. But I think that the larger part of my recent anxiety is from the uncertainty in this world....

The day of the Boston bombings, I was in Charlotte, NC for work. When I got word that there had been bombings in Boston, I immediately felt the same way I did the morning I learned about 9/11. Except this day was different: I was far away from home and loved ones-not in the comfort of my small town with my family. For some odd reason, all I could think about was how I was going to have to get on an airplane and fly home amidst all the terrorist activity. To say I was a nervous wreck is an understatement. I was around older and wiser co-workers when I found out the news, so I was a calm, cool, and collected nervous wreck on the outside-but on the inside, I was freaking out. Basically, I just knew I was going to die on the plane ride home......

I am glad to say, I made it home safe and sound that week, despite my anxiety ridden airport and plane experience. Only to come home to find that another explosion hit West, TX. Not long after that, the tornadoes tore apart Moore, OK. For some reason, this set me into a deep, deep anxiety ridden depression that I fear I am still sitting in as I write today. See? Even that sentence is anxiety-ladden (I'll let you figure it out...). Remember my Euchristeo-my one word? Yeah, that suddenly all went out the window for some reason.

Every time I check the news, something else has gone wrong: Politics. Scandals. Spying. Shootings. Bombings. Murders. Cancer. Death. Healthcare. Economy. Filibusters. Blah, Blah, Blah. It seems as if all of life has gone wrong. In a nutshell, the reality that life is unpredictable has been ever present, glaring me straight in the face. For some odd reason, it has started causing anxiety. Not the kind of anxiety that you brush off after you see a police officer follow behind you, only to find him turn on his lights to pull over the car beside you. (Although that freaks me out every. single. time.) Not even the kind of anxiety that makes me want to take an ostrich-like stance, put my head in the sand, and not even look at the news or what is going on around me (although that is sounding like a better idea by the minute). Those kinds of anxiety seem manageable. The kind of anxiety I am talking about is the kind that has caused me to want to stay home and become a recluse. The kind that makes me want to shut the door and not answer it when the door bell rings. The gut wrenching, knot in stomach kind of anxiety. The "God is definitely not in control if all this evil happening, and I am definitely not in control with all that is going on, so I am just going to sit here" kind of anxiety. Then the thought that there might be a shooting in my apartment community as it happened in Illinois and Washington slaps me in the face, and I don't even feel safe at home. Basically, I have become a mess. I won't even talk about the sleep I have lost because every sound is probably a murderer. Literally. It's that bad.

Then enters Life Group on Sunday Morning. We are doing a study on Genesis at our church. Sunday was the story of Noah. I have heard the story of Noah a thousand times and quite frankly did not expect this Sunday's lesson to be any different. I sat there, mostly in a depressed stupor from the anxiety that is my life (a bit dramatic, eh?). Luckily I had begged the Husband to stop off at Starbucks, to which he obliged (probably because he was willing to do anything to see a smile on my face). So, I sat there drinking my Starbucks in my anxiety laden stupor not really paying much attention to what was being said. I was in my own little depressed world. Then it hit me right there in Genesis 6:5-7.

"The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only wicked all the time. The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth and his heart was filled with pain. So the Lord said, 'I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth--for I am grieved that I have made them.'"

It was interesting because the Husband and I were just having this conversation the night before. Really, I was ranting and raving to the Husband who works in politics about how I did not want to hear any more about how we are going to hit a time worse than the great depression in a few years and all go broke (unless we prepare and buy gold, of course), or how depraved America is, or how we are all going to hell, or that perhaps right now as we speak we are living in the end times?!?!?!?!?! I was done hearing it all. So you can imagine my delight when this passage hit my eyes. It was the hope I had been searching for. The answer to my plea with God to answer what was going on in this world. There it was: "there was only wicked all the time."

To be honest, I don't know if I fully understand all that this passage encompasses. And I have been thinking about this passage for over a month now. So, I am no Biblical scholar, but from my studying of it, it seems that in Noah's time, there was no good except for Noah. Noah was righteous, but by all accounts seen in Genesis, all other things were evil and God was so grieved that He created it, that He wiped out everything He had made with a flood, except Noah, his family and two of every creature. The reason that this was encouraging to me is because despite all the evil going on around me every day, THERE IS GOOD. Unlike in Noah's time, there appears to be more good than simply one person. So, when people say we are seeing the darkest days this world has ever known, point them to Genesis 6. That gives me hope that there is still good in this world. And it inspires me to be more like Noah, despite the evil. And it reminds me that above all, no matter the circumstances, God still has me in His hands and Heaven still stands.  Now that is something that makes me want to get out of this tiny little home...and shout from the rooftops.

There is hope...I guess I won't become a recluse after all....

Until next time be blessed....and know there is good in this world...let's try to be a part of it....

My One Word

My father-in-law (affectionately known as "My Favorite Father-in Law" or MFFIL for short) likes to send courier packages, so he calls them. But really, they are just letters in really cool envelopes-ones that have traveled to places such as Singapore, Mexico, Chapel Hill, and now Texas. Most of the letters are to the Husband, but occasionally, I receive a package, which usually makes my day. I remember a letter he sent a little over a year ago talking about how he had chosen a word for the year based on a sermon his pastor preached. His word for the year was "Believe: God has looked after me this far and He will continue to do so." I had heard of "Pastor Mike" from Father-in-law (mostly about how Stier Construction had helped fix up his home and that he liked to surf) and had heard his sermons during visits to Wilmington and Port City Community Church. However, the main topic of our conversations regarding Pastor Mike were about his sermon series each year on picking that "one word." MFFIL was very fond of this one word idea and would talk about it often. I, however usually just nodded and listened, not really paying much attention to this "one word" idea. I knew I liked Pastor Mike's sermons when we visited PC3. I guess I didn't know that the concept MFFIL was speaking about was that big of a deal. Or that it was actually a good idea.

When we were home over Christmas, MYFFIL wanted to run into the bookstore after church to pick up a book. When we walked in, he showed me the book he came seeking. I looked at the title: "My One Word." Written across the pages inside that book was the content of the sermon series Father-in-law had told me so much about-hot off the press. But even then, I didn't realize it was that big of a deal. I mean the bookstore was located in the church lobby and any pastor can put their books in their own bookstore right???

Remember when I told you I was learning Eucharisteo? Well, along with learning about Eucharisteo, I began reading Ann Voskamp's blog. She started talking about her one word. Scott came home one day and told me that MFFIL was sending us a copy of "My One Word." I had heard about it for a few years pre-book, I had read it on Ann's blog, and now MFFIL was sending the book for us.

When I received the book, I opened the cover and realized that it was published by Zondervan. I thought, "Aren't they the same publishing company that publishes all the Bibles?" Um, yeah. It was here when I began to realize that perhaps MYFFIL was on to something (and more ahead of the times than we both knew). Perhaps this "one word" theory was kind of a big deal-big enough that a publishing company as big as Zondervan would publish it. Perhaps it was time to take this "one word thing" a little more seriously. Perhaps it was time to read about this "one word" concept for myself.

The premise of "My One Word" is that you don't just make new year's resolutions that you never keep: you choose one word that you want to focus on to better yourself for an entire year. This is not about unresolved new year's resolutions, but about perfecting a weakness, tweaking a character flaw, becoming more like who Jesus created you to be. It is about becoming more like Him.

As I've mentioned, (probably 1000 times by now), I read "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. I thoroughly enjoyed the book. I enjoyed it so much, that I have thought about picking it up and reading it through again. And I might before this year is over. The book started what I believe to be a change inside of me. You see, before eucharisteo, I was not myself. I found myself in a valley and I was not seeing the beautiful flowers blooming around me, if you know what I mean. My outlook was grim and anxiety became my new middle name. I felt as if I had lost my joy. However, learning eucharisteo is rejuvinating my soul. So, in an effort to get my spark back, I am going to continue the art of learning eucharisteo. In applying the principles I am learning in My One Word, my one word for the remainder of this year is going to be:

Eucharisteo. The art of learning thanksgiving for a year. 

The art of learning thanksgiving for a year. Thanksgiving in all things. Thanksgiving through the pain, anxiety, stress, uncertainty, times of joy, and yes, even in the times of storms and sorrow. In Pastor Mike's book (I haven't ever officially met Pastor Mike, but since MFFIL is on a first named basis, I suppose I feel as if I can be as well), he talks of picking your word based on Scripture.

Do no be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Thanksgiving reduces anxiety. Thanksgiving is peace-giving. The kind that passes all understanding. The kind that guards hearts and minds. Thanksgiving creates a pure heart. Here is to learning eucharisteo for a year. Here is to life-change. Here is to bettering said life and self.

In line with eucharisteo, I am grateful for my father-in-law, who encourages through letters, inspires to be better through "one words," and recommends really good books....he probably means for it to just be a conversation starter....little did he know, he would make the blog....and perhaps be receiving a book recommendation from me about the art of learning eucharisteo in return for My One Word.............

Until next time be blessed.......

What is Love?

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 1 John 3:16

I have the sweetest, kindest, most servant-hearted, most patient husband in the entire world. In addition, my husband is a man of many words, constantly showing me and expressing how much he cares for me. I, on the other hand, am a woman of fewer words and do not always do a great job at vocalizing how I feel. So I write. 

Today I write because I was compelled by this video. The day I knew I wanted to marry my husband was a day when I was very sick. That day, he stayed by my side caring for me, communicating with my family, and bringing me what I needed. This little video brought me back to that day because on that day, I also realized if he would care for me in such a loving way when I was sick with a virus, he would do the same if I had cancer, when we had sick children one day, and when we were old. On that day, I realized he would lay down his life for me. 

So, on this lovely Friday, I want to sent a shout out to my Groom. Thank you for showing me what love is, for serving me, and constantly expressing how much you care for me. Your presentation of Christ's love makes me want to love a little better too. So, here's to you.

Inspiration for the Morning

This morning as I put the finishing touches on getting ready for the day, I reached down to get a bottle of perfume from the many options under my hand. Which scent should I wear today? I have on a blue shirt, so perhaps I will go with the blue bottle. As I sprayed, I realized I have had this perfume for many years, but somehow it still has some left. Probably because this particular scent only takes a little squirt. It is strong. As I placed the bottle down, I looked down to see what the perfume was called. It was there where I smiled: Inspiration by Lacoste. Just like the perfume smells strong, those that inspire are strong. Inspiration means strength.

As I sat down to read about Jesus and write my prayers and write eucharisteo, I began to think about that word again. Inspiration. Inspiration. Inspiration. I began to thank God for those that inspire me to be better. I prayed that I would be an inspiration to others, that I would not live for naught. That I would use my time in this world for God's purpose and that my inspiration for others would breath out of God's inspiration in me. 

Then, I did what I always do after my time with God: check my email. Because Heaven forbid we go a second without doing that. When I checked my email, I had a few emails from a good friend from Liberty law school. I was delighted to see an email from her because this is no ordinary woman. She is a treasure. The kind of woman you only meet once in a lifetime and when you do, you remember her forever. She is the "remember forever" kind of girl. Then that word hit me again as I read the emails: Inspiration. She is an inspiration. To me and to everyone she comes in contact with. And she makes me want to be a "remember forever" kind of girl too. Inspiration is a pattern. 

You see, she is the girl that the doctors said to abort. That she had a heart problem, and a mineral deficiency and no limbs. But her parents had a different idea. They were inspired by God. They said no to abortion and yes to life. Thus began the journey of inspiration. And she beat the odds because the God of inspiration had a different idea. You see, He gave her legs, and arms, and no heart deficiency, and no mineral deficiency, and a brain that worked well. So well in fact she obtained a degree in Statistics and Actuarial Science from the University of Minnesota. And then a degree in law. Two of the most difficult degrees out there. Yes, she is smart. Because God created her beautifully. Yes, God inspires. As a result, she inspires. You can hear about her story here and you can be inspired too.  

So, in this email, I read a story about my friend and how she has always wanted a car, but they have always been too expensive. But someone was inspired and put her name in the hat to win a car in honor of National Mobility Awareness Month because she is considered a local hero. Heroes inspire. And she said I could vote to help her win a car. And you can vote too by clicking here. And if you click on the green box beside it and get the question right, you get two votes. 

The doctors said she would amount to nothing. Well, I guess the doctors can eat their words. Because the girl I know amounted to something so much more than nothing. She amounted to a friend, an attorney, a hero. She amounted to a divine inspiration of God's faithfulness. 

We serve a GREAT God. His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our ways. He creates each of us in His image and knows us even when we are in our mother's womb. That is the God I serve. "Value does not come from our abilities but in His image and because of the blood of Jesus, we have value."

Yes, inspiration is a pattern. God inspired Kristal's parents through their conviction and His word that their daughter was made in the image of God and had value. He inspired her with His beautiful plan. She inspires me with her strength and testimony. Hopefully you have been inspired as well. So, vote for her to get a car, and if you are inspired spread the word!

Until next time be blessed.....

Journals for the Journey

I know I mentioned that I am taking the journey of Eucharisteo.  I knew it was going to be an exciting journey, but I did not know how good it was going to be. To learn the art of living a life of Thanksgiving and Thanksliving is rich, life-giving. Then I got an idea. How about ask those life friends of mine to take the journey with me? If I have been changed, perhaps they will too. And perhaps we can take this joy dare together and learn what a life of thanksliving means in good company.

I had plans to meet up with these precious sisters. So, I drove down to the store, picked up some journals, making sure they were the perfect size and style to carry around. And then I drove to meet them. And the fellowship began. And the hugs. And so did the eating, stories, and laughs. And I waited until our stomachs were full of good food from our favorite little spot in Waco. And I waited until our hearts were full from the time spent, laughs had, and memories made. Hearts full from that sweet fellowship of sisterhood, SING, and familiarity. Familiarity of a town we used to call home and of each other. This is what I like to call deep communion...life changing communion.

It was here where I shared my own story about how Eucharisteo was changing my life and mentioned that everyone gets their own journal for their own journey into thanksgiving. Only if they want to. No pressure, but I think it could be a journey worth sharing. A lesson in caring for each other's journey.

Our sisters from Zeta did their show, the one where they sang about having the time of their lives. Yes, I did have the time of my life. But as they sang, I realized, I am still having the time of my life. I guess that is what they call the good life, not the perfect life where nothing goes wrong, but definitely a good life. A content life. Especially now that this is a life of learning eucharisteo. Yes, sisterhood communion was good. If only twelve hours in each other's company, it was good, sweet communion. Needed communion.

And so the journey of sisterhood continues. But I hope the journey of sharing Eucharisteo is just beginning.