The Mystery of It All...

Found this unpublished. It fits the mood, so I think its time this piece made its debut!

As I sit here and write, I am listening to Phil Wickham-"I Will Wait for you There." It has led me to ponder. Waiting-life is full of it. It is a game, and I am horrible at it. Waiting in lines. Waiting for the sun to rise. Waiting for the pain to end. Waiting for school to start. Waiting for the economy to turn around. Waiting for Christ to come. Waiting for the next song on your iTunes playlist. Waiting for love. What we are "waiting for" is different for everyone, but I think that we could all be honest and say that we are all waiting for something. The waiting game can be a very tricky game to play. Yet, we have no choice but to partake in the danger of the game-danger because we often have no control or knowledge of how the game will end. That is scary. So, we wait, whether patiently or not, because we have no clue what else to do...this is part of the mystery of it all...


If you are anything like myself, the waiting game can be frustrating, uncertain, overwhelming, and even has unwelcomed, unexpected twists. Being a planner, this can be a struggle and often leaves me wondering. Is God big enough to handle me, my future, and my struggles? I am frequently left wrestling with the answers to questions such as these. I have convinced myself that wrestling with God is ok. After all, Jacob did it. Doubts leave me wanting to take matters into my own hands. The quest for power and control is a sticky place to be as well. What I have found is that taking matters into my own hands brings fulfillment for a brief time, and then winds up leaving me empty, confused, and frustrated again. My prayers become pleas, plights, or orders to the Lord.



A few years ago, I was in a wedding of one of my lifelong friends and freshman college roomate. It was such a joyful week, but even during that week, I realized I was still in the midst of a waiting game-for someone to call my own. I found a bit of bitterness creeping into my heart, and it most definitely was NOT from the candy I ate at the candy bar. It was as if the huge wedding extravaganza had become one huge pity party for myself-complete with chocolate and dancing. As the bride and groom were sent off on their honeymoon and I was left sweeping the water-logged peach rose petals off the sidewalk, I found myself drifiting off into deep thought and making pleas with the Lord about my future: "Why has my turn not come yet? I am sick and tired of waiting!" Amidst the uncertainty, bitterness, and angst, I found my answer under the wings of my Lord with gentle whisper...."Wait my daughter. Your time will come and it will be more than you could dream or imagine for yourself. Just you wait...I have you tucked away in the castle for such a time as this..."


Even as I received my answer from my sweet Saviour, I still struggle in this waiting game. Waiting. I admit: I hate it. The longer I find myself waiting, the more I am tempted to order God around. My waiting seems to become so unbearable that I feel the urge to take matters into my own hands and tell God what to do next-as if He needs my assistance! Katie's wedding was supposed to be a beautiful outdoor wedding. As the week progressed, the forecast for rain became increasingly more evident. So, we did what all normal "good Christian girls" would do-PRAY! "Dear Jesus-please bring sunshine, a light breeze, and 75 degree weather for Katie's big day. And while you are at it-give her perfect weather for her honeymoon!" As you can see, we had missed the point. We were not praying that despite the rain that we would have a good attitude, that the Lord's will would be done, that the Lord would bless Katie and Ryan's marriage despite the rain...no we wanted things OUR way immediately! The motives of our hearts were not necessarily right-they were selfish. Maybe Alabama needed rain for replenishment. The Lord knew that-we did not. Who are we to tell God what to do with the weather, our lives, or anything for that matter? It is as if we view God as a genie in a bottle only to grant our every wish and whim. So often, we not only do we view God as a wish granter, but we limit him, keeping him in the bottle, only to come out when we need something...Now that I have put it this way, I guess I do not truly believe at the depth of who I am that the Lord is big enough to handle it...How foolish and juvenile are our thoughts of the Lord? How humbling is that realization?


Clearly, I have not mastered the art of waiting. In fact, as much as I am try to be diligently patient-I can be very impatient. I was talking to a dear friend and mentor at Jen's graduation. Her husband died in 1987 when he was in his early thirties after many years of marriage, leaving her to raise three very young girls on her own. He unexpectedly dropped dead while on an early morning jog due to an unknown heart condition. No one could have known or planned such a horrible event. Not only did this leave her upset, scared, and questioning the Lord, but it left her a SINGLE mom for 14 years-key word being single. As we talked, I asked her how she did it-it being living content being single for that long. She said that she pushed into God and developed the most intimate relationship with Jesus-more intimate than any earthly relationship. She had such an intimate relationship with the Lord that once she remarried, she had a time of grieving because she longed for that intimacy with the Lord she had when she was single-see now her time was divided between the Lord and her new husband. The intimacy that Beth had with the Lord was so evident by her life and the way that she lived out her love for Jesus. Jesus truly was and is the lover of this strong woman's soul. Even as I write this, tears come to my eyes because Beth mastered the art of the waiting game. She is my muse for writing, and inspiration of what to be, and an epiphany that I have so far to go to become more like this amazing woman. She loved Jesus, her daughters, suffered, remained single, and loved WELL. So this is my charge to you and myself, as you wait for the Lord-push into Jesus.

Jesus is a beautiful mystery. I have no clue why He sometimes chooses to leave His plan a mystery to His children. I think that it is so that we will learn to fully rely on Him, to wait on His timing, and to deepen our faith and trust in Him immensely. I have found that it is in times of waiting, I suffer-mostly because it is uncomfortable for me. Think about it: when we are comfortable and standing, we rely on ourselves. When we struggle and are pushed out of our comfort zones, we often have no one else to go to but Jesus. While we wait, we have a choice. We can be like myself-throw yourself one big pity party, pout, and become bitter. Or we can take it in stride like Beth so faithfully did and push our lives completely into Christ and the things of Him. I am certain that the latter is the MUCH better option. Once we grasp hold of this concept, we will begin to realize that God IS faithful and IS big enough to handle situations without our feeble attempts to assist Him. He is in control-I don't have to be. I like resting in that knowledge. So, we wait-with our knees to the Earth and our face to the ground, we bow down to everything that Jesus is...and we are not....


I don't know what any of you are in your own lives. Maybe you are waiting for the Lord to provide, show up, or give you clarity. Maybe like Katie and I, you are asking for sunshine in your life-for beautiful mountain top weather! But maybe, just maybe, the Lord wants to bring the rain into your life to replenish the dry desert and rejuvinate and revive your soul...After all, that is what rain is for-growth, revival, and replenishment! Jesus-bring on the rain!


So, the mystery of the waiting game is to request more of Jesus and less of self. Wait on Him, regardless of how hard it is, know Him more, and grow in His ways! While you wait, find comfort in the fact that just because Jesus is sometimes a mystery to us does not mean that we are mystery to Him! God is your creator. He knows what He is doing-so let Him!




Until next time be blessed.....

Raise Your Hopeful Voices...

I am sitting here in my kitchen waiting for someone to come fix our broken oven...for the fifth time. After a long week, I spent all day Saturday working on law review, saw a late night movie, then spent most of the day yesterday cleaning and keeping myself busy with errands and therapy shopping. Now, sitting in my kitchen, all alone, I am forced to do what I do best (but try so often to avoid by staying busy): process. Admittedly, life has been better. Due to prior plans "falling through," I found out this past weekend that I will be spending my first thanksgiving alone. Between now and December 3rd, I have three thirty page papers due, an article of organization (a quasi-contract), and homework and preparation for class. This does not include the finals to prepare for on top of everything. To be honest, I am overwhelmed and slightly unmotivated. Hence, I am a mix of emotions, homesick for a familiar face and those back home that I dearly love, and desparately longing for this semester to be over. There are days when I want someone to take me away from this...and today just happens to be one of those days. So, what do I do? I process. What I have discovered in midst of processing (aka: pouting and feeling sorry for myself that I am at this place...once again) is that while life has been better, it has definitely been worse...

Kingdom Come by Elevation Worship is a song that we sing often at the church I attend here in Lynchburg. As I stood in church yesterday listening to the song, I was convicted and inspired. At one point in the song, the lyrics state "take heart, for He has overcome the world." This got me thinking about what it means to "take heart." It goes on to say, "raise your hopeful voices, make a joyful noise, and sing unto the King of Glory." It is here where it clicked. Take heart means: have hope and raise those hopeful voices to the Lord in prayer, make a joyful noise, despite the pain (enter James 1), and then sing unto the King of Glory. After all, He did overcome the world, and He will and can overcome your problems.

Other lyrics in the song say: "We'll show the world how you love...Take our heart and make it yours." I once heard a pastor say that the best way that Christians can display the love of Christ and what can distinguishes Christians from non-Christians to the rest of the world is how Christians handle suffering. When we suffer well, we display the love, glory, and beauty of Christ. Suffering is also how Christ "takes our hearts and makes it His." I have found that the times when I am in the valley are the times where I have fully submitted my will to Christ in order that His will would be fulfilled, not mine, and that my heart would be fully His.

One of my professors, Professor T, (you try to pronounce Tchidivijan and you would called him Professor T as well-he also happens to be one of Billy Graham's grandsons-I digress) led a devotional today before class. I am realizing that I love me some Spourgin. I admire Professor T because his devotionals are always timely. In this morning's devo Professor T said just because you give your all to Christ does not mean that you will spend eternity with Him. Professor T then went on to ask what our motive in giving our all to Christ is: Is your motive to give to get from God or give merely because He is God? This got me thinking...and got me convicted. I think so often I say that I am giving my all to Christ so that He will make my heart His. In reality, I am giving my all to Christ so that He will eventually give me what I think will make me happy: if I don't submit, He won't deliver. This is not an act of worship, but an act of selfishness. Wow, Spourgin and Professor T have done it again: been used as vessels of Christ to convict me to the core. Way to go...

So, as I sit here in my kitchen all alone, I am hopeful; I am joyful; I am prayerful. As I talked to one of my roommates yesterday about all that is going in life right now, she asked: "Have you asked God what He wants to teach you through this?" Man, I love those pointed questions that get right to the heart of the issue. My silence was an answer in and of itself. Just as Karlee charged me to think about the motives of my heart, I charge you today do the same. 1. Have you asked God why He is allowing you to go through struggles? 2. Are you hopeful and joyful despite those struggles because God is the King of Glory and knows what He is doing with your life? 3. Have you given your all to God? And if so, what is the motive: to get something in return or for the mere fact that God is God. These are just a few convicting thoughts rolling through this little mind of mine. I hope and pray that this blog finds you doing well and that it draws you closer to your Heavenly Father...

Until next time...listen to Kingdom Come by Elevation Worship...you will be richly blessed...

Elevation Worship - Kingdom Come Lyrics

Elevation Worship - Kingdom Come Lyrics:
May your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
For yours is the kingdom
The power and glory
Forever you reign, forever you reign

Pre-Chorus:
Let hope swell in our lives
And we will be the Church
To live out your heart

Chorus:
Oh God arise up in us
We'll show the world how you love
Jesus, take our heart and make it yours
Salvation reign over us
The fight was won on the cross
We take heart, for you have overcome the world

Bridge:
Raise your hopeful voices
Make a joyful noise and
Sing unto the King of Glory"